The Invisible Weighted Vest: What Women Carry

You know that feeling when your brain is juggling a hundred tabs at once? “We’re out of milk.” “When’s the dentist appointment?” “Did the kids bring lunch money?” That’s the mental load—a seemingly endless list of invisible tasks that women often manage in relationships. It’s not about beating up on anyone but understanding how we’ve been conditioned by systems—cultural, social, and sometimes faith-based—to operate this way.

For many women, especially in relationships shaped by faith systems that emphasize male leadership and female submission, the mental load can feel even heavier. The narrative often centers on women “serving” their family while men “lead.” But where’s the balance in mutual influence? When the emotional and logistical labor of running a household falls largely on one person, it can leave her feeling overwhelmed, unseen, and, frankly, exhausted. It’s not just the tasks themselves; it’s the constant awareness of them, the emotional labor of managing everyone’s needs, and the unspoken expectation to hold it all together.

Women in this dynamic often describe feeling like they’re “on call” 24/7—not always because their partners are lazy or uncaring, but uniquely because of how deeply ingrained these patterns are. Even in relationships where men are supportive and kind, the mental load can create a quiet resentment that builds over time. And what does that feel like for the woman? Often, it’s a mix of exhaustion, frustration, and guilt—wondering why it feels so hard and whether it’s selfish to want more balance.

Here’s the truth: mutual influence is key to a healthy partnership. John and Julie Gottman, gurus on long-term relationships talk about this concept as a crucial aspect to survival together. Sharing the mental load doesn’t mean divvying up tasks like a spreadsheet; it’s about recognizing the invisible labor, valuing it, and working together to carry it. When faith or cultural systems emphasize mutual care and shared leadership, couples often find deeper connection and partnership. If you’re feeling the weight of the mental load, know this: it’s okay to name it, and it’s okay to ask for more balance. Your needs are not a burden—they’re part of what makes relationships thrive.

At Roots in College Station, we value your personhood and experience. If this connects with your experience of partnership, it’s a good moment to pause and consider the impact - either as the one in this relationship that is hearing these words from your wife/girlfriend talk about her exhaustion or frustration, or as the woman in the relationship feeling stuck and not knowing how to move forward. It might be a good moment to explore the possibility of couples therapy and understand this better together, or to explore the option of coming in on your own to listen more closely to what is building up. Our couples therapists and individual psychotherapists are here to support you towards deeper connection.